10 lessons I would like to share about getting over failed relationships from lived experiences.
They are as outlined here below.
One: Even the strongest feelings fade. You had a life before they came to your life, and you’ll still have one after them. In the material moment, this may be difficult to accept. Nonetheless, you’ll eventually get over a lover, you’ll even wonder what it was you saw in them.
Two: Don’t make assumptions. Let things be as clear as they can be before coming to a conclusion about the status of a relationship.
Three: Being a ‘sweet guy’ doesn’t always mean you’ll be accepted. People will post all those cute John Legend vibes and the proposal at The Hub, but she will leave you, a caring person, for a toxic relationship with some bad boy who barely (if at all) gives a darn about them.
Four: Love and affection can make one do stupid things. Don’t judge those who do. Advise them with kindness, and hope you’ll never get that crazy. As you spend money on people, do it within your means and without expectations. We all know of someone who paid college fees for their better half, only for the beneficiary to find a college lover and marry them. If you will, do it like a church
offering: in secret, without expecting anything in return. Kill the transactional thinking. It hurts everyone.
Five: Do good,anyway. I’ve been motivated to set the bar high and doing good without a motive to manipulate situations for my own good . My ex once confessed how the poem I wrote her on her birthday remains etched in her mind. That doesn't in any way mean she has my name etched in her mind. That said, know your worth. Respect yourself enough to know when to walk away and set her free to explore the world as she seems fit.
"Even the strongest feelings fade. You had a life before them and you’ll still have one after them. It may be difficult to accept in the heat of things, but time heals".~Neil Samuel
Six: Don’t give false hopes. Life taught me to appreciate ex’s gesture of making her stand known early enough before things got deeper. There’s a trend among women of keeping a man they have no interest in wrapped around their little finger. Then when they are in financial distress, the man becomes their saviour. Leading someone on, for whatever reason, when you know you are not into it, is a perfect recipe for disaster.
Seven: Seek therapy in form of whatever your heart longs to do as self-care . Talk to people. Vent. Write it out. Sing it. As I write this, I feel better about it. I also find solace in songs like 'Take a Bow' by Rihanna.
Eight: Reach out to your friends. These people could be going through storms themselves and they need you to be there for them. Misery loves company. You still have more to give to those who still matter in your life. You are not empty after losing what you probably did not need in the first place.
Nine: Beware the words, “We need to talk.” I am more than convinced this phrase is a curtain-raiser for bad news. Any time you get it, apply Murphy’s law: Anything that could go wrong will go wrong. Happened to me thrice. Brace yourself for it by keeping cool and listening. Say only 'thank you' after that long one way monologue and move on.
Ten: Most importantly, I learnt that it’s never that serious. No matter what happened, you need not kill someone’s
daughter. It will only make things worse for you. Had I taken that course, I’d have moved from being a good student of 'facts of life 'to running from the long arm of the law.
Bonus point; One day, you will thank yourself for not taking every small loss seriously. Be a man and walk away from problems that need not be solved.
Not every problem has a solution.
If you won’t remember anything else in this article, just remember: even the strongest feelings fade. So before you get that knife, gun or axe, think twice. Time heals the deepest of wounds. Trust the process and join me in the call to end crimes of passion.
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