Reflections of an old man

 I have gone through a lot of changes in my life;from being a child to a boy, a boy into a teenager, a teenager into a young man, a young man  into an old man.


I am a changed man.

Change is my badge of honor.

And deliberate silence is my most important virtue.

I don't feel compelled to express my opinions in any matter.

I hold no strong opinions about other people.

Each one of them is judged on the present moment.

Nothing ties me to anybody in a possessive way.

I have shed the baggage that was bestowed upon my shoulders through the years of interaction with others.

I'm free to fly my own kite.

I hold no judgement upon anyone in my past life.

Each one in my past has completely turned into a stranger.

Who in his right sense would find it right to hold judgement against total strangers?

Each one has the freedom to either offend or respect me as person without having to feel that there will be any further judgement for their actions.

A stranger's opinion has no right to ruffle my feathers.

That's my direction of travel in this old age.

Slowly moving towards forgetfulness that comes with old age.

And then the senility, probably dementia at some stage if I'm lucky to live long enough.

Dementia in ripe old age is just another way of cleaning the slate of baggage accumulated over a lifetime so that we can move to eternity without any blemishes of unnecessary memories-who needs memories when we have eternity waiting for us?

I am now completely indifferent to the opinions of others.

Aging melts away the self-consciousness of the youthful years.

This what we once were as children before growing up stole our innocence.

Rewards of aging include bringing life to a full circle.

God has walked with me throughout this journey.

Knowing that there is a Higher power than myself that is Omnipresent and perfect is both humbling and reassuring.

It's like a child who plays under the watchful presence of a parent; if the play turns out to be dangerous, there is the caring parent to pull you down from the high branches of the tall tree that you foolishly climbed.



In my physical and mental growth,  I have also left behind many things that are no longer suited for  my  present station in  life.

These include relationships, friends, hobbies, and mindsets that served me well,but only for each of those different stages along the way.

Another thing to say about mindsets; I recognised long ago that life has no room for dogmatic perfection.

Before you even learn to be vulnerable to existential situations in life, you have to learn to be vulnerable to your own imperfections.

Life taught me to  embrace my own brokenness; learn to work with the best of your  broken pieces.

Not to mention the cracks in the brokenness that have allowed more light into my introverted personality.

Isn't it ironic that the only other word I equate with brokenness and vulnerability is 'authentic '?

Time has mellowed the value and any importance that I held for each of  the things that meant so much to me through the years.

In short, I'm not a captive of my past.


The small victories that I had in those moments are now overtaken by even bigger victories.

What looked like big failures no longer look big.
Disappointments that looked so big are now long forgotten.

A lot of things that were so important to me then no longer matter anymore.

This is the  change that  I'm talking about here.

God in His wisdom made it impossible for us to go back in time to these old times that have already passed.

And  I can never be the same man that I used to be.

And I can't talk for the man I  used to be.

I am completely liberated from the man I  used to be.

I have no agency to forgive or apologise on behalf of the  man I used to be; the man I used to be is almost a total stranger  to me in this present moment.

The dynamics of life make it impossible for me to go back in time and assume the responsibility of that man that I used to be.

I only have the agency to talk for the man I have become.

All that which belongs to my past is completely forgotten.

I can only deal with the challenges and realities of this present moment.

It is only in these terms that I  can  engage with anyone who has anything to do with me at this present moment.

I'm very careful on how I spend my emotional capital; I can't afford to spend it on my past life or anybody who is stuck to that long gone part of my life.

To safe my energy and time, I will keep my powder dry and safe my guns to only fight in my chosen future battles.

There is nothing in my past that is worth fighting for.

As I Began To Love Myself

As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering
are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth.
Today, I know, this is “AUTHENTICITY.”


As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody
As I try to force my desires on this person,
even though I knew the time was not right and the person was not ready for it,
and even though this person was me.
Today I call it “RESPECT.”


As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life,
and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow.
Today I call it “MATURITY.”


As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance,
I am in the right place at the right time,
and everything happens at the exactly right moment.
So I could be calm.
Today I call it “SELF-CONFIDENCE.”


As I began to love myself I quit stealing my own time,
and I stopped designing huge projects for the future.
Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do
and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in my own rhythm.
Today I call it “SIMPLICITY.”


As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health—
food, people, things, situations, and everything the drew me down and away from myself.
At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism.
Today I know it is “LOVE OF ONESELF,”


As I began to love myself I quit trying to always be right,
and ever since I was wrong less of the time.
Today I discovered that is “MODESTY.”


As I began to love myself I refused to go on living in the past and worry about the future.
Now, I only live for the moment, where EVERYTHING is happening.
Today I live each day, day by day, and I call it “FULFILLMENT,”


As I began to love myself I recognized that my mind can disturb me
and it can make me sick.
But as I connected it to my heart, my mind became a valuable ally.
Today I call this connection “WISDOM OF THE HEART.”


We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or any kind of problems
with ourselves or others.
Even stars collide, and out of their crashing new worlds are born.
Today I know THAT IS “LIFE”!